Monday, November 14, 2016

I bet you saw this coming

The election is over, mostly. I think it is safe to say I have struggled through most of it. When I came home from Costa Rica, nearly one year ago I thought it was a joke that he was in the line up and for better or worse successfully convinced myself it was, until he won GOP primaries. Then I successfully convinced myself he would ruin his chances all on his own, because of his obvious character flaws and nonsensical policy. Now that it has come to pass that the people have chosen their president elect, I still struggle to say it aloud. Do I think he is the worst, yes. He sort of represents what, in my lifetime, I have learned and concluded to be what holds us back from being a truly great society, progressive and socially inclusive, up with the times. Little did I, or many for that matter, understand what was really happening in our country, how pissed off "middle" America had become and how united, in front of the soap box of a con man, they would become. 
His campaign, while I assume usually go unchecked and are quickly forgotten about, fanned the flames of latent –isms that the other side was convinced we had done away with. But we somehow came away with a man that has almost no moral compass,  that is willing to say anything and behave like a petulant child who name calls when he doesn’t get his way, a man that asked his constituents to overlook some of his most aggressive and vial rhetoric all in the name of change (which usually I am a big fan of.) My struggle is not in getting over him being real, here we are and we will move on from. My struggle is that so many people I know and love and figured would put basic human dignity above political battlefields voted for him and it almost broke my heart. I know they aren't bad people but their willingness to overlook what I hold dear for a political grudge against democrats was hard to swallow. Pre- election, there was little to no common ground. I forced myself to search for a silver lining. My favorite was that at least he would get people off their ass to say how much they oppose what he stands for and what he has said (which is indeed happening, so peaceful others not so much, can't win for loosing). He is a man and yes he was running a campaign to get elected (not the best excuse but proven to be widely accepted after 4 years of something totally different). 
But from what I can make sense of, he found where democrats/ politics were failing at serving the people and he validated their sense of disenfranchisement and gave them the change candidate. Now that this political shortcoming has been exposed, I encourage everyone to get more involved. On the left: the fight is almost never won, but it must be fought, don’t sit it out, fight for our right to happiness and peace and a real democracy based on the voice of the people. On the right: if you aren’t in line with the vile rhetoric, say so, stand up for your fellow Americans, we all deserve dignity and the children of the future deserve better, hold him accountable to really bring us together. Post election, I see where the seam comes back together, we all what a responsible, people first government. No one wants to lose any of what we have gained that makes us great. Without the red and blue caution tape we can hopefully start to look at each other as humans again. Through conversations we can learn. If we first seek to understand, then to be understood, we can find a balance. 
This may sound like a bunch of kumbaya whatever, but democracy is hard, we have gotten lazy. It requires the willingness to unlearn what you have self-selected to surround yourself by (thank you facebook/msnbc/fox etc) To really listen to the other side and seek to find common ground takes courage, because you may realize you weren’t totally right. To own misguided conclusions and seek change requires humility. When did we become so unwilling to grow? When will we get back to a respect for differences at the table, without name calling or undermining. Im not saying im perfect but I know what kind of world I want to live in and I will fight for it. 

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Schwoops its September already?!

Today I wrote on a sheet of paper the time I walked into the building, expecting at one point for it to matter. It has been 11 months almost to the day that I have been an RPCV. It has been 9.5 since I’ve been home, sleeping regularly in a bed I didn’t have to fold out in order to share with Maggie. It has been almost 4 months since I danced into my graduation and felt the weight of a mountain slide off as I was handed my degree. And it has been 3 weeks since someone called me in for an interview for a job I would eventually happily take.

I know it has been even longer since I have written anything and truth be told, I haven’t had much to say. Coming back to the US has been both familiar and scary. One way to look at it is that I’ve shut myself in, shut the world out, spent time with people with the people who make me feel loved. Who would blame someone who spent two straight years putting all of themselves into a kind of work that rarely provided feedback. When I say all of myself I don’t mean the usual blood, sweat, and tears bit. I mean all of me; my opinions of myself, my understanding of reality, my ideas, my energy, my language, my humility, my courage, all of it was given away on a daily basis, just so that I could say I left nothing untried, unfinished, no regrets, no coulda shoulda woulda’s. Luckily my plan worked and I can safely say I did my very best.

And then I came back to a world that’s very used to things. Everyone is used to shitty drivers and news of death and atrocities every day. Everyone is used to washing machines, kitchen utensils, 1-day Amazon deliveries and choosing from isles of cereal options. Everyone is used to their life and protecting it and not used to me being around. I thought for a while it was that I just didn’t fit into certain lives, they have evolved beyond me. Dreams of coming home for the holidays would get me through some of my not-so-good days in Peace Corps but everyone was so used to it and each other it wasn’t a big deal by the time it rolled around and I was there for it. So after the new year, I buried myself for months researching, writing, analyzing, threading theory with practice then finally editing ‘til my eyes crossed in their red outlines. I survived the thesis writing process and moved on to the job hunt, yet another soul crushing endeavor. Turns out not many want to hire someone with so little "traditional" experience...
I should mention that through all of this, I was lucky enough to have the unconditional love of family and friends and one special someone who’s name I hope always makes me smile. Eventually I sought out words of wisdom and encouragement from friends near and far to help keep my head above water. I asked google what else I should be doing while temporarily jobless, to which it replied: work on cover letters, find a mentor, start a business, take supplementary classes, etc. Diligently applying to jobs and writing cover letters seemed like it would never end.
Now, as time marches relentlessly forward, I have also found a sort of peace with the idea of staying in Florida, because lets face it, something about everywhere sucks. Moving just to avoid the suck of Florida just to find a different suck somewhere else is not all together wise. I made a lot of spontaneous and adventurous decisions in my 20’s. I think 30 is not a bad time to sit still for a minute and collect my thoughts and maybe some money.

So in almost one years time I have:

Caught up on all the DC comics Netflix will allow,
Written a 50 page paper on non-formal education and how one of my greatest accomplishments as a Peace Corps volunteer had anything to do with it...then graduated,
Attended  4 graduations, 3 weddings, 1 family reunion, and multiple 5, 30, and 50 year old birthday celebrations
Gained weight
Seen a great wonder of the world
Became a dog-sitter
Visited 2 new cities: Breckenridge and Detroit
Lost my shit in traffic too many times and almost enough to miss the 12 hour bus rides
Caught up with friends from around the country in settings that almost always had great 90s music or iconic foods
Put my dog in headband-antlers for a Christmas photo
Gone camping, fishing, kayaking, biking and rollerblading (yup)
And landed a big girl job (with benefits whaaaaat?)


Granted this list is not exhaustive, and maybe 11 months of insights and wisdoms are forever lost under a pile of Orange is the New Black and the Flash, but I hope it fills in some gaps for those of you on the edge of your seat.