Ordinary hours

June 10, 2015

Ever want to know what goes on in the mind of a Peace Corps volunteer? Lots of radio silence for the most part, only to be interrupted by self realizations and loud thunderous frustration and chaos. At least that’s what happens in my head. Days keep flying by and so much of what happens here feels small. So when a friend says, Marlee take a step back…look at the big picture, it takes a minute or a whole day to refocus. Every day begins and ends and starts again with the sun. On the mornings I have to get up early and take mags out, I can see the sunrise over the mountains from my host moms porch. It’s always beautiful, and on days after day long rains, the sky is especially stunning. I struggle to keep a hold of that peace that comes with eyes full of the days light and lungs full of fresh clean air, when the little stresses chip away at the solitude it creates every day. Thankfully, having Maggie in my life forces me outside more for better and worse ( who really wants to go outside in the rain, not even Maggie). But still the mountain of to-do’s and weekly responsibilities pile up and free time is spent cleaning, making cookie dough 100 different ways or melting into the couch watching the omnipresent companion, Netflix. I have to be honest, I thought I’d read more and start growing my own tea (or at least keeping some type of plant alive), I thought I’d do yoga more, reach out to friends and family more. But turns out life here is like life anywhere else, routines and responsibilities and some how time slips by, ordinary hours turn into unremarkable days and then 2^nd graders are 4^th graders and I’m a month away from my third consecutive birthday in this country.

Days like today make me appreciate it all though. Today my big picture was painted by my friends, who reminded me that while we all have great expectations, nothing, nowhere and never turns out exactly how we plan, but if you try hard, it still turns out. Today started with a budget crisis and a dream being crushed. The budget crisis was partially an oversight on my end and partially we didn’t get the same amount we had proposed in our grant ( didn’t catch that part til later today). The dream being crushed was the one where I use this green classroom project with individual classroom projects as a foundation for a thesis, which despite having come up with and planned the model for the last 9 months, I only have less than 4 to make it sustainable, which, if going to grad school taught me anything, its that it won't happen in real life.

Still though, as I went to talk to Miriam about something mundane, my crisis came out instead. But she let me cry through my dream crushing, gave me an exceptional hug and parted with a piece of her coveted chocolate. Thinking of it later made me smile, I will miss having Miriam around, to know what I’m trying to say, finish my sentences and care about me like she does, she’s pretty wonderful. And as luck would have it, my friends were also very supportive. They talked me down from panic mode to damn near full acceptance. My budget crisis has options, sucky but not a dead end. And my project, while hoping to see it through more, I may only get to plant the seed (even Miriam says so) and it’s up to everyone else to do with it what they will. I have, however, dared to dream big and accomplished a lot with my time here. The rain water tank will hopefully save the school money on water bills each year which can then be used for other things, and at very least the compost pile will serve as a permanent project option for future generations of little kiddies. Everything else is indeed a small ripple in a big pond and that’s really ok.

It’s a humbling job, being a volunteer. I’ve never not left a volunteer position without having experienced varying levels of disappointment and had something seemingly small turn everything around for me. A phone call, piece of chocolate, origami frogs, some kid telling me to wait while going to buy another bag of chips just to give me the toy inside on his birthday, someone saying how much I must miss my family, a hug, so many hugs; the underappreciated cure for sadness. These are the little gifts I will take with me and what make this place so special to me, the people, my friends, other volunteers, my work, adventures. All the little things add up and soon little ripples turn into deep waves.

May the fourth be with you

Today is more or less the 5 month mark for our groups official count down. Manuel is leaving for law school, then we have our close of service conference, which will be our last official time together. It will mark our 2 years in service and will hopefully wrap up our feelings and resumes in a nice package to send us back into the world.

I recently had my bestest friends come visit, which honestly I didn’t believe would happen til their feet touched the ground, not for lack of wanting or trying but because life has a way of piling up responsibilities we have to deal with before we get to the fun side of things. Anyway, they landed 12 hours atrasada, because the volcano Turrialba wasn’t cooperating and a handful of flights were canceled. So they spent the day being tourist in their own town before actually landing in San Jose at 1230am, technically the next day. Just to be clear, my best friends both have husbands and children (all of whom I love dearly) so we haven’t had time with just us in over four years so this trip was our time. We were us, in pure form; laughing, singing, making fun of each other, and snuggling in as many beds as we could. I was reminded of just how perfect friendships like ours are.  I remembered just how much it means to have friends who are better described as sisters because you fight and make fun of each other, but love them so much and would do anything for them without even thinking twice about it. The fact that they came meant our worlds aren’t ever too far apart that we can’t make time for each other, which meant the world to me.

After their trip, I returned to a half normal week, put in some snuggle time with mags and before I knew it was off again, this time to see fellow volunteers and to run a 5K out in Guanacaste I had signed up for months ago, thinking it would help motivate me to run more….which every minute leading up to the race, it had failed to do. But as it turned out a good number of volunteers had signed up and we got to run it together. 630 am came quick but once we got around the other runners and the music started, we were in it to win it…or at least finish it. The race itself was at Playa Flamingo which was a beautiful beach that looked more like a harbor and as we ran passed the nestled in boats, the sky got brighter and the air got hotter, waaay hotter, but we were determined.  When the finished line came up, we took off using all the reserves we had spared and if I didn’t feel like I was about to pass out I would have been smiling ear to ear. We were greeted by early finishers and some other great cheerleaders at the end and then took advantage of cheap bottomless mimosas at a restaurant nearby. 

We had stayed the night before in Tamarindo, which is a more built up beach, full of tourists, surfers, and retirees…it looked just like west palm beach. We woofed down left over pizza from our “carb loading” the night before then took advantage for the couple hours we had before the bus to catch some sun. Our plan from there was to go to our friends’ site only a little further south. Passing through Nicoya is interesting because no place is too far from the beach but it almost looks like Pennsylvania with its rolling hills. Our friends’ site was beautiful and peaceful, a half hour away from the city and a half hour from the beach in the middle of a valley…almost too perfect. We rested and watched fireflies as we went to sleep and woke up to have pinto and coffee (tea) outside in the early morning air. Being a half hour away from one of the most talked about beaches in CR, we again took advantage of our location and spent the day in Samara, the “Manuel Antonio of Nicoya”. 

I realized how much I miss beaches but also that I’m grateful to like in the mountains so I can appreciate the fleeting moments I get at some of the most beautiful beaches around. After some more pizza it was time to head home. We had a little layover in Nicoya and had some coffee for our long ride ahead. We had de pie tickets but we got lucky to score one seat that Ramona and I switched off and on til we got to San Ramon.

Home again home again, it was such a great weekend accomplishing so many things and we were only gone 3 days. The ease of travel and seeing these friends is something I will miss, along with many other things. It’s hard to imagine that in 5 short months it will have come to a close, this one thing that has singlehandedly dragged me through some of the most challenging experiences I’ve ever had and delivered me to such a level of confidence in myself and understanding of life that is hard to express in words. It all brings to mind quotes that reflect the sentiment that the most meaningful and deepest life lessons are wrought from some of the hardest and lowest points you experience.

I have returned to my house full of gratitude, to have such wonderful friends here and at home, to have accomplished most of what I set out to do, and for all the experiences that taught me all I have learned up to this point in my life.