November, 26th to be exact. The skies still get
grey and rain still falls on occasion. But for the most part, nights are colder,
winds are quicker, and I have less and less of an urge to go on morning runs. Christmas
lights are out which makes me feel a little closer to home. For students
its their winter break, the equivalent to our summer break. Next year brings a
new school year but in the mean time, streets fill with screams (of joy mostly)
and games, like throwing rocks up in the
air over each others head or building random things to race your bike over. For
me, this means less time in the schools, just as I got used to a schedule, it
changed, no real surprise there. It means more time in the community, more time
in the streets, time to write my casa. The most daunting part is that it has to
be in Spanish. I have come to terms that it will be a document, an incomplete
one. Because there is no way I will have gotten to know the community inside
and out or well enough to develop any sort of true diagnostic. Also lets be
real, my surveys are far from board certified. I feel useless kind of and as
though I’m still more of a burden rather a help. Still, I feel like people have
faith in me, like my counterpart here at the escuela. He seems to think I’ll
play a great roll in my two years here. I have two years but at the pace I’m
going I feel like in 2 years I’ll have barely got some new project off the
ground. It doesn’t help that it is the end of the school year when everyone
just wants to leave and vacation. If I can just wait out the next couple
months, do what I can, help with what I can find or what’s thrown my way, maybe
next year, I’ll stand taller and be a part of something, collaborate or understand.
Never the less, I am part of this place, whether those people I always smile at
that never smile back want me here or not. I make friends with kids hanging out
on light posts that go to my school and in the mean time I’m being more myself
and realizing that no its not perfect, I’m not exactly doing any of the 100
things I may have thought at one point I’d be doing, The kids and
parents don’t really know who I am, I don’t have a concrete purpose, I haven’t
made any real difference here, and I don’t fully understand everyone that talks
to me…yet. In time, things will make sense, this I was promised and this is
what I have.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
what peace corps problems?
18 November 2013
Things just got a little more real, a little more sad, and slightly awakened. My life choices are mine to live with and this includes the sacrifices of the time lost while they play out. My two years away means in fact, I am not home, to help, to call, to hug. It means I am still 22 months out from being there. Reality hits like waves from different oceans. So many things are coming together in my life to make a stir of emotions reach the brink of the pot they are in. I’ve been in site one month and a half, I can feel a change, not only in the weather, less rain and more wind, but also in my attitude, my relationships are deepening. These aren’t just people I want to like me for now. They are people, with ideas, contradictions, prejudices and people who genuinely care. I was invited on the teachers trip at the escuela and they offered to combine money so that I can go. I was speechless because it means a lot to me that even though they don’t know me very well, they are willing to do such a thing for me. I was upset to learn that is the same day they need me to go into San Jose to get my ID, so I wouldn’t be able to go. For me the sentiment remains. Teachers are starting to wave at me at the high school, I find myself, even on rough days, smiling and smiling even bigger when I get a genuine smile back from one of the students. I went to the store to recharge my phone in my sweatpants the other day…everyday is less and less a front, and more and more me. Devastating news from the home front and in my own relationship in combination with an intense hike yesterday have all left me drained and tired. Time and patience…poco a poco, I must never forget.
Things just got a little more real, a little more sad, and slightly awakened. My life choices are mine to live with and this includes the sacrifices of the time lost while they play out. My two years away means in fact, I am not home, to help, to call, to hug. It means I am still 22 months out from being there. Reality hits like waves from different oceans. So many things are coming together in my life to make a stir of emotions reach the brink of the pot they are in. I’ve been in site one month and a half, I can feel a change, not only in the weather, less rain and more wind, but also in my attitude, my relationships are deepening. These aren’t just people I want to like me for now. They are people, with ideas, contradictions, prejudices and people who genuinely care. I was invited on the teachers trip at the escuela and they offered to combine money so that I can go. I was speechless because it means a lot to me that even though they don’t know me very well, they are willing to do such a thing for me. I was upset to learn that is the same day they need me to go into San Jose to get my ID, so I wouldn’t be able to go. For me the sentiment remains. Teachers are starting to wave at me at the high school, I find myself, even on rough days, smiling and smiling even bigger when I get a genuine smile back from one of the students. I went to the store to recharge my phone in my sweatpants the other day…everyday is less and less a front, and more and more me. Devastating news from the home front and in my own relationship in combination with an intense hike yesterday have all left me drained and tired. Time and patience…poco a poco, I must never forget.
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