may the road rise to meet you.... wait no that's too fast

Jan 16^th , half way through the first month of the last years in Peace Corps.

I feel like time stamping everything. They’ve started to feel more and more precious, these moments. In an attempt to keep sane I still spend way too much time watching “tv”, sleeping, being in my jams, being alone, and not speaking Spanish. I knew this month would be a lull in that which I call my job here. It has also given me the time to see the velocity of life on the downhill of this journey. I can’t slow it down, everyday, it’s like someone cranks the speed dial, just nudges it, so that none of us hear the click. But sure as anything it ticks.

My family is both more important and more annoying. My time alone is both more necessary and more of a cop out. My progress on my degree is both accomplished and disheartening.

I always knew I wouldn’t be here forever but now the light, as they say, at the end of this dark tunnel is in sight. It shines the future and predicts the oncoming change. When I look at my feet I keep pace, but when I look up again, I’ve gone leaps and bounds forward, unaccounted for. How am I supposed to be in the moment when I have to plan the future and reflect on paper my entire experience? There is no next year, there is no “next time” or any “I still have a long time, no se precupe”.

Until school starts these themes are blinding and when it does start I’ll be too busy looking at my feet, calculating my remaining steps and before I know it that light will have found its way to me, with panic and calmness it will shine in everything around me.

We return, for these final months, to the undulating tides of emotion that plague the nature of change and uncertainty, much like the beginning; holding on to the past, excited for the future and never quite ready for goodbye. 

Thanksgiving in Costa Rica, part II

I spent the day with my third graders and their parents at the children’s museum in down town San Jose. I tried, as I didn't want it to go by unnoticed, to remain especially grateful this day. Reminding myself every so often how grateful I was to be there, to be sharing this experience with these families, to get little hugs from the kids and have them sleep on me during the ride there. It was to be my second thanksgiving out of the country in a row… and the fact that no one else around me cared what day it was was a little sad and made it hard to remember it was even a holiday. However, I recounted to myself the various thanksgiving I have been a part of; at our houses growing up, at my brother’s house, in a call center, with my grandparents and last year with an Embassy family here in Costa Rica, attempting to keep in holiday spirit.

This year I had the great fortune to be welcomed by another embassy family, the Green’s. After our field trip had come to an end, I parted ways with everyone and set off with Jo to our thanksgiving destiny that would prove quite an adventure.  After two buses, two and a half hours of travel, a lot of " how bad would it be if we never got there", a crabby bus driver, and a “plan b” to go get chicken Philly cheese steaks, cupcakes and a commemorative tattoo of a sad turkey if it all didn't work out later, we got to the house we were meant to be at. When I say I almost cried with happiness ad gratefulness, I’m not exaggerating. I had to stop myself before it got bad. Luckily for me I was starving and had a plate of deliciousness to distract me.

We stuffed our faces and got to know our awesome hosts and their children. The littlest one reminded me of my little mad-face as she pranced around the house asking Patrick, our fellow volunteer, to copy whatever she did, which of course brought her sheer delight. There is one thing, which surprised me last year and snuck up on me again this year; although I miss my family more than they know, spending holidays with families is still a beautiful thing. To just be in the presence of love and togetherness is very special. Like contagious laughter, when you are around it you feel it, even if you didn't hear the joke, you still find yourself laughing.

The pies, yes multiple, ice cream and whipped cream topped off one of my more interesting thanksgivings. After eating until my body could hold no more and after Sarah gave us to go tins (whhhhaaaat I get to have it AGAIN tonight!), we all headed back to our respective beds for the ensuing food coma. I hope one day to be able to return the favor or at very least pass it forward; the space and time for people to feel at home miles away from their actual home, to share the love of good food and holiday spirit. It has been so important to me these past two years. Being away for thanksgiving has made me appreciate it more than ever and has made me more grateful for all the little moments with family and friends, new and old that keeps me going, keep me smiling. This time next year, I'll be home and I won't have to miss my family and I can be grateful to finally be home for the holidays.