The closeout

It is that time again. The leaves are changing, I can wear a hoodie and my ridiculous kid size 5 snow boots and another year has come and gone. I made it through alive and only with a few more wrinkles then I started with and only a few years shaved off my life. So much has happened in just this short bit of time. To start, my personal proudest accomplishment that I had nothing to do with...I am now three nieces richer! Or broker really because we all know how spoiled these little girls are going to be.
Then we move on to the list;  Eight states in ten months, yelling at people for their ignorance, reaching a whole new level of disappointment it took weeks to recover from (and I'm still working on it), worrying so much that those wrinkles I mentioned, well the one between my eyebrows is permanent, been filled with a sense of hope so profound it floored me just feeling understood. I've driven a tractor, a bulldozer (I thought I was going to die a few times), and a 15 passenger van through Baltimore (dare you to try); sweat so much my belt was never dry, and got so incredibly lost in the woods, (the hunt for me still goes down as a team builder in their book).
Although it's been done before I'm glad I have a moment to reflect before it all goes by too fast. Months ago I started worrying about life after AmeriCorps, the inevitable LAA. I have started three different applications, all currently in different stages of completion. One to grad school, one for a fire job on an engine crew, and one for the peace corps. Needless to say I have a lot of great ideas. I've spent hhhoouurrss researching a million different things and although I have a mere 7 weeks left until the bubble permanently bursts, I can't help but feel like I need the wind of reality to really change my directions. Another thing is unsettling within. Most of my life plans have been a no brainer.. Study abroad? duh! Join AmeriCorps? I'm already packed! With the million different scenarios I've envisioned, non have had the stamina to keep me interested. Now maybe that sounds pompous, and maybe it is, I don't know. I have just made very good life choices when they feel absolute, and ones that maybe didn't turn out as hoped on a leap of faith. What that says about my odds trying religion is interesting but I'm not interested in that at the moment, I'm looking for a path I can take with a sure step.
The one thing I do know is I've spent a lot of time making choices for just me, excluding family and friends in the decision making process. I've seen and done a lot, not enough to call it quits but enough to know that as beautiful as the ranges in Vermont are in the summer, and as magnanimous as the people I have met in my travels have been, my family... my family is an adventure all on their own. From left to right they are growing and growing fast. I still have plans, Big plans, but whatever they may be I don't want to stray too far to too long again. It's not all about me anymore. No I don't have a kid of my own, and No I'm not even close to having one, so don't ask! But this is bigger then me and it's the one thing that feels right.